Chris Dale’s Metal Meltdown: The Pandora’s Box Of Pop

1 November 2011

THE PANDORA’S BOX OF POP
A Creepy Hallowe’en Tale Of The Horrors Of Pop Music

chris dale

So it’s a bit odd, right, but a mate rang up and asked me if he could store a flightcase at my place for a few days. He’d pick it up later that week, he said.

“Yeah, no problem, it can sit in the corner,” I said. “What’s in it?”…

“Oh right, who’s is it?”…

“Really? So what exactly does it do?”…

“No way!”…

“Can I play with it?”…

“No, sorry, of course I won’t play with it.”

He told me it was Bananarama’s box.

It was the hard drive for the backing tracks Bananarama use live. I’m not saying that (and I don’t know/care if) Bananarama mime live. But they probably sometimes do shows without a live backing band, so this’ll be the backing instruments on a multi-track that can be mixed in at the show. They’ll sing over the top, probably. They’ll probably have some backing vocals on the track too, I reckon, probably done by themselves. A lot of people do these days, it’s so easy. Not to replace the live vocals, but to back them up.

Better than a drunk keyboard player live, eh?

And, besides, there’s only two girls in Bananarama now; the Shakespeare’s Sister one doesn’t do it anymore. So they’ll need her parts down on there to make the classic Bananarama sound. You can see I’ve done my research here.

soilpiecetop

What’s in the box?

He did say, quite clearly, not to mess with it.

Would it be okay, I wondered, not to mess with it but just to set it up and listen to all the tracks separately on headphones?

Then maybe put it through some speakers?

Me and the Mrs could have the best ever Bananarama Karaoke Party! No, that’d be messing with it. I just looked at the box instead.

For a couple of days.

Oh, no, then I had the best idea ever!!!!

I could set it up, plug it into my multitrack recorder, keep the rhythm or click track and maybe a keyboard part, then record some distorted bass over it on my system.

Then I could get some Metal mates over to record guitars and drums while keeping the Bananarama vocals. We’d have a half-time Metal ‘Robert De Niro Is Waiting’ with double kick drums and the real Bananas signing on it!

It’d be the best thing ever… It would clearly be messing with it, but it would be worth it for the sake of Metal, wouldn’t it?

I looked at the box.

I opened it a little bit, a teeny-tiny bit, and just peaked. It’s got outputs, labelled for instruments. Has it got any vocal ones?… Just checking…

Then the doorbell rang. He’d come to pick it up early…really, probably, just as well.

What was I thinking – unleashing the Hell of Bananarama into our Beautiful Metal Paradise?!

And so Pandora’s Box of Pop remained intact…

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