Chris Dale’s Metal Meltdown: Episode One: A Column About Columns

January 2011

So, when Steve Goldby, editor of Metal Talk.net, asked me to a column here I didn’t really understand what he meant. Why me? What kind of column? What did he want me to write about?

Steve said he thought I’d be good just ‘cos I spend a lot of time in the World of Heavy Metal. I play bass for bands on tour and in the studio, I roady for bands on tour and I DJ on TotalRock radio. He’s right, I do spend a lot of time in the Metal World.

He said I could write a column about anything – maybe about artists I’d been on tour with or that I’d interviewed on TotalRock, things I felt passionate about in the Metal World, things I wanted to write about, anything at all he said.

So I asked if I could I write a column about writing columns? He said “No, you can’t write a column about writing columns”. “Even if it was a column about writing metal columns?” I asked. “No”, he said. Yet here I am doing just that. I’ve slipped up already.

He said stories of life on the road would be good. I wasn’t so sure. They’re often the kind of things that were really funny at the time but you kind of had to be there to appreciate at their best.

“Besides,” I asked, “What kind of things do you really want me to talk about on the road? The time I jammed Kiss songs with the Misfits?” He said “Yes, that’d be great”.

“The time I was that close to joining the Ozzy band?” He said “Yes, really?”

“The time I got stoned with Lemmy while reciting Monty Python?” Steve said “Yes, that’s the kind of thing.”

“The time I was offered crack by the drummer in a name Bay Area thrash band?” He said, “No, never tell anyone about that”. I said “OK, sorry”. But I just have done. Sorry Steve, sorry name Bay Area thrash band drummer.

So there we go, I’ve broken both the rules already and with them probably blown my chances of ever getting a second shot at doing a column for MetalTalk.net.

But if you bear with me and give it another go, I promise I’ll try to say good things in future.

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