A perfect storm of the collapse of the music industry and the death of FM radio, is the nauseating arrival of the ego-driven, gate-keeping, hustle-culture influenced Dad Rock music critic. With the most exciting time of listening to rock music for me in my entire life, and I am 61, the seemingly paradoxical truths of rock ‘n’ roll is both dead and alive are coexisting.
Just look at the recent farewell show by Orange Goblin in London, capping an amazing 30-year career of great albums and even greater live performances.
The band got its ‘colourful’ name because of their reverence for bands like Deep Purple, Blue Cheer, Pink Floyd, and, of course, Black Sabbath. The Goblin reference is a direct love of all things JRR Tolkien.
The Rise of Gatekeeping Rock Critics
Orange Goblin is a prime example of rock ‘n’ roll being Schrodinger’s Cat. They were intensely alive for four decades, riffing, literally and figuratively, from the musical influences that should NOT have allowed them to also be non-existent in the general rock arena.
And yet, in this Age Of Information, the general proclamation from people my age who make a living (read ‘grift’) as being ‘informed’ music critics is that rock ‘n’ roll is dead.
The Dad Rock Critics: Eddie Trunk and His Outdated Lens
Which brings me to what triggered this article. Eddie Trunk. Ugggh. I already need a shower after typing those two words.
Now, nobody who is worth a damn has paid attention to Trunk this century. Not only is his musical knowledge relegated to decades of the past, but the guy clings to Hair Metal in 2025 like he personally bought stock in the genre.
Any reference to Winger should have died with Beavis And Butthead. But, good ol’ Eddie somehow can work anything Wingeresque into his podcasts with unbridled and unsolicited 1988 enthusiasm. It would not be all cartoonish except that the picture of his podcast is just replete with overbranded macho heaviness. Arms crossed, flanked by two others in similar poses of bullshit authority on heavy music, and a Metal font in the podcast title.
It is Spinal Tap!
How the Old Guard Lost Touch with the Rock ‘n’ Roll Underground
Dude, none of you even know of Orange Goblin. And, do not get me started on that you have made a career of ostensibly yammering about Heavy Metal and probably think High On Fire is a catch phrase for doing some trendy move with narcotics.
In an irony that would make Shakespeare blush, High On Fire, a mere blip in the massive spectrum of rock music, has MORE subscribers than a podcast which aggressively markets that spectrum.
Math does not lie. You’re all out of bounds and out of your league.
Even my East Indian mother knows about Orange Goblin. She is up on all the killer heavy music, and she also makes a better curry than you. At 85, she has no business trying to catch up on underground heaviness, but her son wrote a banger of a book, although I am sure she is not a fan of all the profanity in the book.
If I could type in a shower, I would.
Eddie Trunk’s Forced Coronation of a New “Saviour”
Trunk recently did an interview with Yungblud. I love Yungblud. I know in some circles it is not cool to like this guy, confusing as fuck since he hit it out of the park with his rendition of Changes at the Back To The Beginning concert in the summer. He is so talented, and just as importantly, he is well-versed in the back catalogue of rock ‘n’ roll.
Anyways, Trunk, always late to the party, starts showering Yungblud with praise that veers quickly in that **he** is what rock ‘n’ roll has been looking for in this new generation.
This is in his own words from his social media: “Does Yungblud embrace being called a saviour of rock?”
The question sucked, and Yungblud was cornered into this false coronation. Sadly, it also turned Yungblud into Schrodinger’s Cat. He is both relevant and irrelevant. Being vacuumed into whatever machinery is left of the dollar-centred music industry, Yungblud will be tasked with saving something that does not need saving.
Unless he comes to some kind of Jesus moment with the WHOLE state of rock ‘n’ roll, his perspective will soon be totally enveloped by the shrunken universe of the Eddie Trunks.
If their music knowledge was likened to the realm of numbers, with Real Numbers representing the universe of rock music, Eddie and (myopic) company would be counting on their fingers in Whole Numbers.
They stopped counting decades ago. 1, 2, Metallica, 3, Poison, 4, 5, Warrant, …
I cannot decide. Is Trunk really stupid or just ignorant? In a time where nothing should be underground or hard to find with social media channels and YouTube, there is no excuse for not coming across a king’s ransom of amazing music every day, especially if you crown yourself some kind of last line of defence of rock music.
THAT Rocks!? More like THAT Sucks!
Everyone that he has on that show is over 60. Living proof that Trunk lives, lives confidently, I might add, in a world that rock needs to be pronounced dead this generation.
And only Captain Trunk Underpants can save the day!
Rick Beato and the Myth of Boomer Rock Authority
He is not alone. Rick Beato, who manages to suck out all the cool of the Boomer artists he invites on his show, also comes across as some privileged know-it-all. There is definitely some Dunning-Kruger shit going on with these celebrity music critics, as they vastly overrate their competency with rock ‘n’ roll.
Meanwhile, someone like JJ Kozcan of The Obelisk, the Gandalf of the Stoner/Doom scene, might just know the most about music on the planet. And, with great knowledge comes great humility. He will hate that I wrote this.
Sure, Trunk and Beato answered the questions on the first few pages of the chronological rock exam perfectly, but they left the last half of the exam blank.
If you call yourself a rock music critic, you better be up to speed on what is going on, or you are in a constant state of being invalid and irrelevant.
Where and when did rock ‘n’ roll health become a living paradox? Shining brightly with a tsunami of new artists, but having most of the world hanging on the falsehoods of bloated, boomer music critics?
Let’s agree that the culture of rock ‘n’ roll peaked in the ’70s with FM radio, a healthy music industry, and an appetite and curiosity for stretching the definition of rock music. It was hard to be underground back then, as A&R reps were constantly panning the spectrum of offerings. By 1977, thirty-minute prog songs from bands like Yes were on the same radar as bands like The Ramones.
Deep cuts of artists were easily found on the radio. Whole sides of albums were played. Our attention to music was at its highest, and DJs and music labels generally respected that kind of intelligence.
Even with the emerging NWOBH, little time was spent in mysterious, underground chambers. It all rose to the surface quickly by the beginning of the ’80s.
I think the end of the Seattle/Alternative scene in the late ’90s was a pivotal moment for the fake narrative of “rock is dead” to take hold. The MTV generation was hearing its death rattle, and FM radio was becoming unrecognisable. The same stations that would, for example, play the entire 1978 album But, Seriously Folks by Joe Walsh, were now throwing darts at a parched mainstream landscape of rock ‘n’ roll.
Rock ‘n’ Roll Doesn’t Need Saving—It Needs Listening
By the end of the 20th century, it seems like the whole world of music media had given up on rock ‘n’ roll. If it was not dead, it was most certainly dying.
Wrong.
It most certainly was not. Even without major label support/interest and no media to cover it, Stoner/Doom was laying the seeds for its meteoric rise in the decades to come.
If the environment we have today was like the one in the late ’70s with the robust health and curiosity of the music industry, a band like All Them Witches would be doing a residency in Las Vegas, and Orange Goblin would have had a different fate of recognition.
If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? That analogy is spot on today for the hundreds of artists today, as the industry support system to actually hear that sound is dead.
Rock ‘n’ roll is not dead. The culture of curiosity for it is.
Rock ‘n’ roll is not dead. The music industry is.
Rock ‘n’ roll is not dead. The gatekeeping of fake music prophets is keeping it dead.
Take a look at a guy like Rich Piva. This was his compilation of the best of November releases.
It is not relevant for the moment to be able to read all the titles. It’s just the totality, for one month, that is the pushback to the Trunks and Beatos that ‘numbers’ go beyond the Natural/Whole ones.
Maybe one day you will get ‘Real’. I doubt it. Neither one of you strikes me as being ‘Rational’ when it comes to rock ‘n’ roll.
Stoner/doom would be the realm of ‘Irrationals’, also discovered later in history.
In a parallel universe, Orange Goblin just finished their career with a three-night stint at The O2 arena. In attendance were Geezer Butler, Ritchie Blackmore, and David Gilmour.
Eddie Trunk was seen backstage, mopping the floors.
