So, Troy Patrick Farrell, you stand accused of not knowing who Edward Cullen and Jacob are. What have you to say in your defence?
"Jacob or Edward: no clue who they might be." What an admission from one of Rock's finest. I carefully explain their relevance to society which prompts: "I have never seen Twilight so I'm for the team that's against both Edward and Jacob."
So far Troy isn't doing so well on the Twilight Front and Twilight fans are abundant even, possibly PTF fans!
I decide to ask him about magic. "Ha, not sure if I have magic, but if I do it's from my bikini briefs". I wonder briefly (ha) if he's been talking to Edwards the Confessor and decide it's unlikely.
I don't even ask about stripey socks because I feel he's likely to tell me he wears pop socks or something bizarre. He then pipes up with "I don't wear stripey socks". Well he should as it would save a whole lotta trouble. I smile, as you do, and resolve to carry on.
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Troy is a drummer with a colourful work histroy: Ace Frehley's Comet, Gilby Clarke, Dizzy Reed, Jani Lane, Mick Sweda, CC Deville and of course the mighty Kings of the rock jungle: White Lion.
"I was in the UK in 2008 with White Lion. You missed me, huh?" Not intentionally I say.
"I'm touring drummer for Willie Basse supporting The Lynch Mob in the US," he chirps. Couldn't be more appropriate thinks I after I ask him what his poison is and he tells me "chocolate milk".
We move on swiftly to influences. "Vik Foxx, Bun E Carlos, Seven Antonopoulous and Jerry Gaskill." Well there's a veritable pick 'n' mix for ya! I hold my breath and venture into the realm of female drummers - "Stefanie Eulinberg (Kid Rock), Cindy Black and who could forget Sheila E?" Well clearly not Troy and no sexist comments spilled forth.
Troy plays some enviable kits. "I'm endorsed by Rockett Drum works." That's Rikki from Poison I summise. I ask him why he plays drums and he shrugs "why not?".
I don't venture into his reason for playing, fearing I'm not mentally strong enough to endure his response. Instead I ask him what he drinks on stage, fully expecting him to say Horlicks or Ovaltine, only to be met with a confused "water of course." Silly me!
Water makes lions strong as my Grandpa used to say. I don't tell Troy this. I don't want to discuss fitness regimes since I'm lacking energy in any shape or form.
Troy has a distinct sense of fashion and I ask where he gets his togs? "Forgotten Saints LA Clothing by Cody." I need to pay this place a visit as there's some seriously good outfits to be had!
At the moment Troy is reading 'Tales From a Ratt' by Bobby Blotzer. Very educational - a possible rat-arsed read.
In a moment of lucidness Troy tells me his fave bands are Cheap Trick, Kings X and Thin Lizzy. Good choices whatever way you look at it.
I talk to Troy about cars. "I love fast cars. To quote Queen, 'I'm in love with my car' " Troy admits. "I'm a GM type of guy - nothing too exotic" he responds.... What? No Corvette, Mustang... no...
Thinking he'll humour me I ask blonde or brunette? "I'm feeling brunette lately." I suppress a smile. I mean, what do you expect from the paradox that is Troy: A chocolate milk drinking lion... as much as I love him I will not be dying my hair.
The Jury is still out on this drummer... mad, quite possible... talented, undoubtedly... funny, without prejudice.... check him out TPF in a band near you!